Thoughts in the Dentist's Chair

 If I didn't give you context, you would think this was a drone ready to kill you.

If I didn't give you context, you would think this was a drone ready to kill you.

  • Prince doesn’t have to go to the dentist anymore.

  • I wonder what Kelly Ripa does on her days off?

  • Ryan Seacrest has to be bored all day.

  • I. Am. Dy. Ing. I. Am. Dy. Ing.

  • There’s a reason people don’t take selfies at the dentist.

  • When she wears her mask, my hygienist looks like Bane from Batman.

  • [hygienist turns on ultrasonic scaler, and months of rancid disgust ricochet in hygienist's face] Oh that’s why she wears that mask.

  • How much do dental hygienists make? Is it worth my mouth mess flying in her face?

  • The View. Good Lord.

  • If we took a shot every time a male daytime talk show guest is asked how fatherhood changed his life, we’d all be hammered by 11 a.m.

  • I am a good patient. She hasn’t asked me to open my mouth wider.

  • How long will it take me to ruin this with coffee and tea?

  • It’s a sign of the times that we don’t hear screaming at the dentist’s office.

  • The dentist can blast away my cavity with sand. I can post my thoughts on the Internet. I would certainly be the first to go in the zombie apocalypse.